My heart just skipped a beat.

I was just reading Cindy's frequently updated blog, and lo and behold...
Less than 24 hours till kickoff! I'm getting a little giddy.

The Rules of the Derby

Having been to only two demolition derbies in my life to date, I don't think I would feel good about calling myself an expert yet. An aficionado certainly, but my friend Logan (with whom I have shared both of my derby experiences), is much further along that road to expertise. You might say I've learned everything I know in this area from him. As such, this post is dedicated to him in honor of his birthday, which was ages ago (August 12 - I'm embarassingly late).

For those who are planning to go to the next demolition derby that comes within 100 miles of your hometown (which really should be all of you), I have compiled a list of some of the rules of demolition derbies.

Rule #1 - Dress Appropriately

My #2 biggest regret in life is that I was inappropriately dressed for the first demolition derby I went to. I hope that some of my shame was erased through my efforts this time around.

Some examples of appropriate attire:

• Overalls (p.s. Susie's Deals currently does not have any overalls in stock--check back in the fall--but DI has three racks). Overalls should be worn with one strap, at most.
• Camo
• For women: Knock-off sunglasses (mine are straight from Chinatown). The flashier the better.
• Flannel
• Cut-offs
• Anything proclaiming state pride, especially if that state is Texas. "Don't Mess With Texas." Also, Logan's hat says something about Wyoming.
• For men: mirrored sunglasses. For some reason, these are excessively creepy when paired with a...
• Mustache!

I believe this mustache is known as "The Bruiser."

It also doubles well as a unibrow.

Somehow it ended up here for a while. It was very difficult to smile without it falling off. And it was very difficult not to smile while wearing the mustache. Warning about the mustache: it sheds.

More wardrode options:

• Mullets
• Harley Davidson anything

• Bandanas. This man artfully combines the flannel, mustache, bandana, and possible mullet. Side note: No need to leave your walking sticks at home. They ARE allowed.

• tank top
• tattoo
• long beard (beautifully paired with a balding shaved head)

• Stars and Stripes. God Bless America.

Rule #2 - Arrive early

The place was packed. Apparently we were very lucky to find seats, as not everyone did. My friend Laura (who did not recognize us upon the first glimpse) reported that they stopped letting ticket holders in soon after it started.

This pair was lucky enough to have front row seats and were appropriately dressed for the honor with dew rag, two-tone hair, low cut shirt and platform shoes.

When this blessed event is at a fair, as this one was, another reason to come early is to see all the cute booths and maybe get to pet some animals. This one's head felt soft as a stuffed animal.

There were also many carnival rides to choose from, including the Zipper. I agreed to go on it, but promised Logan I would throw up if I did, and was secretly relieved when it turned out to be to expensive for poor college students to ride.

Rule #3 - Eat greasy/fried food.
It appears this fellow purchased a Delicious Scone with Cinnamon and Honey Butter. Good choice, champ!

Rule #4 - Pick a favorite.
I believe this is essential. It helps to root for one car, maybe two, in each round. I am partial to station wagons.

66T must have been a favorite for one of the early heats. Look at him go!

Rule #5 - For when there is fire. Alternately, for when a car flips.

Naturally you will cheer because it is exciting to see a car flip or an engine catch on fire. However, you must quickly go quiet as the firefighters run out or someone goes to check and see if the person is okay. The silence shows your concern for the driver.
Once you get the signal that everyone is okay, you go wild. The crowd roars.

Rule #6 - Don't be disappointed if your chosen car does not win its heat - there is a grudge round.

Welcome to Grudge City, USA!
Any car that does not make it past its heat to the final round (and is still running) is given a second chance in the grudge match that takes place right before the final round.

Rule #7 - Regarding Children

Star them young. This tot is learning early to love the derby.

Someday soon, she will be able to appreciate it as much as these young ones.

Rule #8 - Participate in activities between heats.

It takes a while to clear all the wrecked cars out of the arena before the next round can begin, but this woman barely noticed. Time flies when you're doing the Macarena! Not surprising of the VH1 #1 Greatest One-Hit Wonder of all Time.
(Also, her husband must be a Toby Keith fan. Wardrobe approved.)

This kid had moves I'd never seen.
Warning: While the children should be allowed or even encouraged to celebrate, far too many young girls were mixing the pelvic thrust into their dancing. I was a little bit traumatized.

Rule #9 - Expect greatness.

Car 300 was a true champion. Despite its front driver-side wheel being completely turned under the car, he never gave up. The announcer proclaimed him out for the count, encouraging the other cars to get one last hit on him. That was all it took. 300 would not accept this teasing treatment of his defeat. And so it was that he roared back to life, surprising all but the truly devoted, winning the grand prize.

Rule #10 - NEVER let anything stop you from coming to a demoltion derby--not even an IV.